Right, so there are four of us, two french, one english, one scottish and we’re out in Warsaw trying to enjoy ourselves. We have walked about a mile to get to cinnamon. It’s only about a half mile from the hostel to the club but we had to carry a drunk guy across a park in order to get him in a taxi. Then we had to carry him back because no taxis would take him. His name was Woitek(?) I hope he is still alive.
Anyway, we arrive at Cinnamon as three drunk ugly girls spill out onto the street. Most Polish women are not ugly but sadly these ones were. We walk up to the door and the doorman, who does look like he is having a passionate love affair with himself, asks us if he can see our invitations. Clearly we have no invitations. We have money and nice clothes but this guy hates us because we are foreign. We tell him we have no invitations. He just looks at us.
I know we’re not getting in because the guy really loves himself. As we stand there a bunch of randoms, including a guy with a GLITTERY henna tattoo ON HIS FACE saunter in giving self congratulatory high fives to the doorman. We do not have tattoos on our face. No one is high fiving us. We are not getting in. Anyway, next thing the guy brings out some Orbit Professional chewing gum. He doesn’t deal in amateur chewing gum. And he says “All I can offer you is this chewing gum. Perhaps it will help you get some girls”. This might have been appropriate and hilarious if we were drunk, rude and generally being unpleasant AND if there was an audience watching to appreciate the man’s wit. However this was clearly his stock line for tourists, delivered I feel with a slight hesitation on this occasion. Not his finest performance.
So I took the chewing gum.
With every chew I reflected on what an absolute arse the man was. I like Warsaw and a lot of the people are nice but far too many of them absolutely resent foreigners. We weren’t drunk or rude. We just wanted to go to a club and have a good time. This guy was having none of it.
So, I recommend that if you’re in Warsaw you to Zoo which is nearby. It’s quite good, the doorman does love himself but he’s alright really. And the barmaids might pour you three pints instead of two if you come from Leeds. And if you make a twat of yourself in the dj booth and then stand on some guy’s bird’s foot you might come really close to getting in a fight (with another guy who hates foreigners).
And Yusuf from Azerbaijan wet the bed.
